When my clients say they want to control their emotions, they are usually asking me to help them turn off their emotions so that they look like the second group. The second group is often baffled that they have problems since their emotions are so under control. They often see themselves simply as unemotional people, struggle to locate their emotions, and generally have their emotions as turned off as possible. This all makes sense because our culture has long devalued and misunderstood emotions, telling us that being unemotional is the goal. However, neither of these groups is regulating their emotions.

My best gift ever was the nurse announcing to me that since it was Christmas Day, she would let me hold my daughter for 30 minutes. It still makes me cry to think of it. Thirty minutes of peacefully holding the tiny human that should have been inside of me.